February 2012
31 posts
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Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation.
Woman: It can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
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THIS IS HOW I TELL PEOPLE ABOUT MY FANDOMS
gallifreyantimelady:
#ACCURATE
fact
Anonymous asked: Black boys?
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Do you guys realize what is going on here?
strangersatthemall:
tinkerchelle:
BBC Sherlock is essentially Moffat’s & Gatiss’s fanfiction for the original series by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Our fanfiction is based on BBC Sherlock.
IT’S FANFICCEPTION.
Accurate.
fact.
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the “turnoff” “turnon” game. ask me anything and i...
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“YOU’RE A WINCHESTER. NOT A LOSECHESTER.”
– John Winchester probably said this at some point. (via a-bagel)
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Please, reblog if you're among the BBC Sherlock...
mazzathestrange:
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Anonymous Explains CIA Takedown →
shanksinatra:
known about this for a few days but i guess i can talk about it now since statements are being released..
the computers ddos’n the intelligence agency computers were child pornography servers.. so that when the authorities tried to track down the packets they would actually be taking down people who were housing child pornography.. and a lot of it.
six servers full of the...
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Mr&Ms PSYCHEDELIC'S ArtZonE: Mr. Psychedelic's TOP... →
mrpsychedeliczone:
Science Fiction and Space are two incredible genres. Each display our species wonderous imagination like no other genre. Imagination and Reality go hand-in-hand as we can only bring something into reality after we have imagined it with our EPIC human brains. Seeing films like these allows us to…
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OK THAT POST DIDN'T WORK SO HERE WE GO.....the...
Spy: Don't use the milk on the top shelf. It's not milk. If you already did don't worry it's nothing fatal, but you wouldn't want to know what it was.--SH
Stranger 1: You're getting new milk, then -JW
Stranger 2: No I'm not -SH
Stranger 1: With your own wallet. - JW
Stranger 2: I'm busy, you can take care of it, I'm sure -SH
Stranger 1: Or the skull disappears - JW
Stranger 1: Not kidding - JW
Stranger 2: You're not funny and I'm still not getting the milk, I'm busy -SH
Stranger 1: I'm also busy. Oh, whoops. Looks like I spilled non-control water into all these test-tubes. God, all those experiments.. -JW
Stranger 2: I have your laptop -SH
Stranger 1: Oh, and this last one... six month gestation period, wasn't it? Damn. -JW
Stranger 2: I wonder how big of a mess you laptop would make if I dropped it out the window -SH
Stranger 1: Get the goddamn milk, Sherlock. -JW
Stranger 2: No, I'm busy, I already told you that -SH
Stranger 1: I need to find myself a new eccentric flatmate of ambiguous sexuality and arse-hole remarks who will buy milk once a goddamn month. -JW
Stranger 2: Like you could ever find anyone else like me, now get the milk -SH
Stranger 2: And you now have to replace the experiments you destroyed as well -SH
Stranger 1: Maybe I'll fly to America and move in live Dr. Henry Lee. He's the new you, haven't you heard. -JW
Stranger 2: That sounds like a horrible idea, and the 'new me' what does that even mean? Am I the 'old me' now? -SH
Stranger 1: Yes. Already bought the milk. Didn't touch the experiments. Staying at Mary's tonight, Jerklock. -JW
Stranger 2: Jerklock? Really and you call me childish.. -SH
Stranger 2: Mary, who's Mary? -SH
Stranger 1: The short one. Black hair. Fiancee. Sherlock, Really. -JW
Stranger 2: Fiancee? I thought you were going out with Laura -SH
Stranger 1: You broke her already. That was... That was a long time ago Sherlock. -JW
Stranger 2: Well I do have more important things to worry about than keeping track of your love life -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, of course you do. Left you dinner, top shelf, fridge. Throw it in the microwave. Eat it. I'll be back either tomorrow or the next day. -JW
Stranger 2: No time to eat, I'm thinking, Lestrade has a new case for us -SH
Stranger 1: Eat and think. What sort? -JW
Stranger 2: Eating slows me down -SH
Stranger 1: Says Sherlock 'breathing is boring' Holmes. What's the case? -JW
Stranger 2: And the case, an entire family was murdered, but the police couldn't find one bit of evidence, all of them seemly dropped dead, no poison, no marks on the bodies, nothing -SH
Stranger 2: Very interesting -SH
Stranger 1: Well, I can help you in a few days. Maybe keep me updated, but Mary doesn't want me too involved in... well, I'll be back in two days. Maybe tomorrow night. -JW
Stranger 2: Two days? I can't go to the crime scene alone -SH
Stranger 2: Forget Mary, I need an assistant -SH
Stranger 1: We're /engaged/ Sherlock. I can't just forget her. You've got Lestrade. -JW
Stranger 2: I don't care, come with me -SH
Stranger 2: I don't want to work with Lestrade, he gets on my nerves -SH
Stranger 1: Sherlock, please don't. -JW
Stranger 2: Don't what? -SH
Stranger 1: Just... call your brother, see the scene. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Eat something, go to angelos if you can't handle leftovers. -JW
Stranger 2: I'm not talking to my brother, I'm not hungry, and you didn't answer my question -SH
Stranger 2: It will only be a few hours I'm sure she can handle it -SH
Stranger 1: Fine, Sherlock, I'm staying home. Fine, fine, fine. -JW
Stranger 2: Oh good, could you pick up more nicotine patches as well? -SH
Stranger 1: No. -JW
Stranger 2: Why not? It will take you five seconds -SH
Stranger 1: I would rather jump off a building. When do you need me at the scene? Where is it, anyway? -JW
Stranger 2: Jump off a building? Seems rather drastic, and I'll need you there around noon tomorrow -SH
Stranger 2: And I'll text you the address later, once I find it -SH
Stranger 1: Alright, okay, then I can still go to Mary's tonight. -JW
Stranger 2: Yes, but I do want my nicotine patches -SH
Stranger 1: Maybe, but you wont get them til tomorrow. -JW
Stranger 2: I only have two left -SH
Stranger 1: That would last a normal person more than one night. -JW
Stranger 2: Unless you want me alone in the flat without nicotine patches -SH
Stranger 2: Around all of your things -SH
Stranger 1: Really, what of my things haven't you messed with? I'm too tired to care. -JW
Stranger 1: And the store is on the corner, why is it easier for me to get them? -JW
Stranger 2: Because I am thinking and I hate going to the store -SH
Stranger 1: Fine, I just grabbed them. I'll leave them next to the skull. Don't overdose or anything. -JW
Stranger 2: Why don't you take Mary with you, since you are so keen on spending time with her -SH
Stranger 2: Overdose? I'm more careful than that -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, sure, alright. I'm leaving now, any last requests? -JW
Stranger 2: None that I can think of, I'll text you if I do -SH
Stranger 1: Great. -JW
Stranger 1: -- Shit, shit, Sherlock. Can't go tomorrow. Can't, sorry. I'll be back this weekend. -JW
Stranger 2: And why not? -SH
Stranger 1: Mary. Just can't, Sherlock. I'll talk to her about the whole deal, but I don't think tomorrow can happen. -JW
Stranger 1: She doesn't want me... involved so much. -JW
Stranger 2: No, no, you are going tomorrow, I don't care about Mary -SH
Stranger 1: Sherlock, if I go tomorrow, she goes. We're lucky I can even stay at the flat, still. We're engaged, Sherlock, we're going to get married. She's going to be my wife, and things are going to change. -JW
Stranger 2: Tell her that she can't go -SH
Stranger 2: And I am aware that things will change but I don't want her tagging along everywhere we go -SH
Stranger 1: I didn't mean, go with me, Sherlock. I mean go, as in gone. As in every girl whose every known me long enough to know you. -JW
Stranger 1: I meant who's, so lay off on the grammar lecture. -JW
Stranger 2: She would leave you because of that? How petty -SH
Stranger 2: And you could always move in with her, if that would help your.. situation -SH
Stranger 1: It's not just this time, Sherlock. It's every time. Every time we try to have a few days together, there's a case. -JW
Stranger 1: Move out? -JW
Stranger 1: Who'd get your nicotine patches then? -JW
Stranger 2: I could sort that out with Mrs. Hudson -SH
Stranger 2: I'm not forcing you out, I'd rather you stay, but if she is going to be irritating about us spending time together... -SH
Stranger 1: Well, she wants to move out to the country after we get married—I could take the train in when you need me on a case... -JW
Stranger 2: Move out of the country? That would be very inconveniencing, so that isn't going to be happening -SH
Stranger 1: Not out of the country, out to the country. And since when are you the final say on the logistics of my marriage? -JW
Stranger 2: That's what I meant, and since I need an assistant and there obviously isn't a very long line of people who want the job -SH
Stranger 1: I could still help you. You've sent me out when you can't get away from the house, we can work like that. Just long-distance. -JW
Stranger 1: Compromise, right, Sherlock? I don't want to leave you alone. But I can't just sit around waiting for you to need me. -JW
Stranger 2: You are staying in London, and I don't want to hear anything otherwise -SH
Stranger 1: Sherlock, I feel like you're not going to stop until every girl I ever approach leaves me. -JW
Stranger 1: You and me. We're not married. -JW
Stranger 2: I'm not trying to do that, I just want you close at hand for any cases that come up -SH
Stranger 2: And you moving to the country would be a very annoying inconvenience -SH
Stranger 1: And you monopolizing my time and not even knowing who I'm involved with is a 'very annoying inconvenience' to me. -JW
Stranger 1: I want to help you, but you could let me be a bit more flexible. Half the time you just tell me how wrong I am, anyway. -JW
Stranger 2: Well, that's because half the time you are wrong -SH
Stranger 2: And I can't let you 'be more flexible' unless you don't want to be here for every case -SH
Stranger 1: Do you need me for every case? -JW
Stranger 2: Yes -SH
Stranger 2: Or I have to start talking to the skull again, which just makes people nervous -SH
Stranger 1: Hmrph. How am I supposed to work a marriage around your growing career? We're getting cases everyday, and they hardly hold to the 9-5 workday schedule. -JW
Stranger 2: I'm sure you and Mary will have plenty of time to spend together between cases -SH
Stranger 1: Except she hates them, and I spend half my time with her convincing her I was not close to death. -JW
Stranger 2: Well it's a good thing you, someone who is rather a dangerholic, is going to marry someone who is so easily shaken -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, well. -JW
Stranger 2: She will have to grow used to it -SH
Stranger 1: Maybe I ought to take a break. -JW
Stranger 2: If that is what you want -SH
Stranger 1: I mean, well.. -JW
Stranger 1: I... -JW
Stranger 1: Damn it, nevermind. She'll deal. I'm staying home tonight. Bring me back my laptop. -JW
Stranger 2: No, what were you going to say? -SH
Stranger 1: Nothing, Sherlock. When was the last time you ate?
Stranger 2: Two days ago -SH
Stranger 2: Digesting slows me down, I'll eat after I solved the case -SH
Stranger 1: Do you want to get dinner out, then? You can pick somewhere 'interesting' -- think there's a new tai-mix place downtown. -JW
Stranger 1: (your alternative is being strapped to the couch and attached to a drip, if you were wondering. Case or no case.)
Stranger 2: I think the tai-mix place will be fine -SH
Stranger 2: Although seeing you try to strap me down would be humorous, at most -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, well, I was an army doctor. No messing with 'consent' there. You'll have to tell me everyone's life stories while we're there. -JW
Stranger 2: Naturally, but won't Mary be upset that you aren't with her, not that it matters -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, she will. And the everyone will talk about how I spend more time on 'dates' with you than my future wife, and Mrs. Hudson will say something embarrassing when we get back. Fantastic. I don't care today, Sherlock. Just come and eat something with me. -JW
Stranger 2: Before you were saying how you should take a break and that I was interfering with your future marriage, what changed? -SH
Stranger 1: You haven't eaten in two days. -JW
Stranger 2: I've survived longer without food -SH
Stranger 1: And you would, if I weren't here. So we're going to a tai-mix place and you're going to show off. Okay? That's an order.
Stranger 2: An order? Now you're ordering me? -SH
Stranger 2: I will go anyway though, I do love showing off -SH
Stranger 1: I'm aware. -JW
Stranger 1: And, as you know, it is rather amazing to watch. -JW
Stranger 2: Only to you -SH
Stranger 1: Yes, well, everyone else is just too self-involved to recognize it. -JW
Stranger 2: Quite, if only everyone was of your opinion, now am I meeting you at the restaurant or will you stop by the flat? -SH
Stranger 1: Uhm, I'll stop back at the flat to change my jumper. Oh, and Sherlock... -JW
Stranger 1: Don't wait so long anymore. If you need to think for a case, you can always talk to me. We can do this whenever you need it, okay? You don't need the hunger and you don't need the patches. I know it's hard, but we can find a way, all right? -JW
Stranger 1: Sarah's important to me, but you're my best friend. -JW
Stranger 1: ... I meant Mary. - JW
Stranger 2: John... you flatter me... but you are still buying me patches and I will continue to go ridiculously long times without food. As long as you are there to lecture me about it and force me to eat, I will be fine -SH
Stranger 2: And even you get them mixed up sometimes so now you can stop yelling at me about that -SH
Stranger 1: God, we're both messes. -JW
Stranger 2: It would be boring if we weren't -SH
Stranger 1: Maybe I'll wear a tie, give them something more to titter about. Heard anything interesting about this place? Mike told me something was weird about the owner. -JW
Stranger 2: Did he? We could investigate that, could be promising -SH
Stranger 2: We could go undercover, pretend to be health inspectors -SH
Stranger 1: Don't think it was anything criminal, just on the funny side. Sure you'll know within two seconds and we'll find ourselves kicked to the curb before the night's over for one of your over-truthful outbursts. -JW
Stranger 2: Nothing criminal? Boring -SH
Stranger 2: And I'm sure we will be, but what fun is it sitting around and being clever without telling anyone? -SH
Stranger 1: I haven't the slightest. Mary sure enjoyed your comments on her bisexual fantasies. Thanks for that, again. No wonder she hates you. -JW
Stranger 2: It's only the truth, I don't know why people get so upset -SH
Stranger 2: It's not as though I'm making up lies about people, they are just too sensitive -SH
Stranger 1: Not saying that isn't true. I'm just glad you've left me out of your more personal deductions, though I'm sure you've made them. -JW
Stranger 2: Naturally -SH
Stranger 2: How far away are you? -SH
Stranger 1: Not far. 'Round the corner. -JW
Stranger 1: I'll be up in a second. -JW
Stranger 2: Good, I was getting bored -SH
Stranger 1: Well, you ought to keep yourself entertained. -JW
Stranger 2: Well if I had nicotine patches I would be able to -SH
Stranger 1: Don't be petulant, Sherlock. -JW
Stranger 2: I never am -SH
Stranger 2: I have no clue what you are talking about -SH
Stranger 1: Of course you don't -JW
Stranger 2: I don't appreciate your sarcasm -SH
Stranger 1: Alright, I'm coming up — are you dressed for the restaurant? -JW
Stranger 2: I'm wearing what I normally am, so yes -SH
Stranger 2: Why wouldn't I be? -SH
Stranger 1: Just in case you thought blood or mud from the Thames was proper for an evening. -JW
Stranger 2: I'm not a child, I can make myself presentable, you know -SH
Stranger 1: You've yet to prove that to me. I'm sure the queen would agree. -JW
Stranger 2: Well it's a good thing I don't care what my brother has to say -SH
Stranger 1: Ha. Alright, I'll let you be, that was good. -JW
Stranger 2: Finally, now I thought you said you were close -SH
Stranger 1: Touch of traffic. -JW
Stranger 1: Well, more than a touch, but I'm trying to avoid swearing at the nice cab driver. -JW
Stranger 2: Well if it would make him hurry up, I don't see why you shouldn't -SH
Stranger 1: Ah, well, there's a key difference between us. -JW
Stranger 1: Sherlock, are we just going to continue doing this forever? -JW
Stranger 2: Not forever, I plan on retiring to Sussex and raising bees once I can't keep up with criminals physically -SH
Stranger 1: Raising bees? That's decidedly... well, compared to your life now, that's almost normal. -JW
Stranger 1: You don't want a wife... or a husband? A family? Ever? -JW
Stranger 2: Not particularly, I prefer my own company and I doubt that will change as I get older -SH
Stranger 2: You are obviously the only exception to this -SH
Stranger 1: What?
Stranger 1: Oh, wait, sorry, yes. I believe I read that in the wrong context. -JW
Stranger 2: What did you think I was saying? -SH
Stranger 1: Nothing. Anyway, bees, yes. What's so interesting about them? -JW
Stranger 2: Bees, they way they communicate is interesting, I would like to study them further but I don't have the time -SH
Stranger 1: Oh! There's this scifi novel I read when I was a kid that talked a bit about that. I bet you'd have it all sussed out in two years. -JW
Stranger 2: You read scifi? I never knew that.. -SH
Stranger 2: But yes I will probably figure it out fairly quickly, and then I will have to find something else to do with my time because sitting around is not an option -SH
Stranger 1: It was a hobby, before the army. Ha, I'm sure you'd find something. If the medical field got you on our side I'm sure we'd have cancer all wrapped up in a few years. -JW
Stranger 1: ((can you give me two seconds? I have to let my dog out, but I'm very fond of this.))
Stranger 2: As long as I'm not sitting around bored at my old age, if I even live that long -SH
Stranger 2: [And of course, take your time]
Stranger 1: Of course you're going to live that long, Sherlock. Shut up. -JW
Stranger 1: (back. Do you have a tumblr?)
Stranger 2: I'm simply saying that will my line of work comes dangers and some of those may just kill me, I'm being realistic -SH
Stranger 2: [yes I do.. you-smell-funny.tumblr.com, and you?]
Stranger 1: Well, bugger to realistic. You're alive as long as I have a gun. -JW
Stranger 1: (audreypond.tumblr.com and thenewsherlockholmes.tumblr.com)
Stranger 2: You can't always be there, but I haven't died yet -SH
Stranger 1: Can too. And yeah, of course not. Well, not that we're ever going to talk about again unless you want another broken nose. -JW
Stranger 2: I was just being realistic, but of course, I like my nose to remain unbroken -SH
Stranger 2: How far away are you now? -SH
Stranger 1: (do you want to transfer to non-text writing or do you want to end it?)
Stranger 2: [I'll just end it, but I loved rping with you, you are a great John ^.^ toodaloo]
tarteauxfraises:
guess who has two thumbs and accidentally spray-painted the bottom half of her face recently…!
Oh shit, were you not using a spray booth?
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Always Obsessed: Doctor Who Condensed: Episode... →
wingsonghalo:
EPISODE 14- Last of the Time Lords RECAP TIME! [Doctor Who theme] 1 Year Later… PA: PLANET EARTH IS CLOSED YOU GUYS Tom: Hi. I’m Tom. Martha: Okay. Master: The world is ending and I am SO happy about it. DANCE WITH ME! Lucy: I’m going to pretend I’m okay with this but also I am…
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January 2012
51 posts
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Reblog if you want your followers to tell you...
deastrumquodvicis:
proofinthekodak:
Even though, you know, I’m pretty certain. I just like to hear other people say it.
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Watchsherlocked-inside-the-tardis:
l3monsnout1sgu1lty:
onepissedtroll:
cottoncandyram:
cannibaltricksterkarkat:
sotezhegoat:
oceanhugs:
randomdaisy:
anonshiris:
Greetings citizens of the world, We are Anonymous. We come to you to alert you of a horrific bill that is being pushed through the United States government. The EEA or Enemy Expatriation Act HR 3166 when passed would give the...
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I found a short fic....it doesn't suck. How?
I actually already found a sherlock fic. And it’s good.
Title: The Dearly Departed Club
Author: maskedfangirl
Summary:
After the events of “The Reichenbach Fall,” Sherlock reaches out to Irene Adler.
Notes:
This fic is short, but well written. I consider this canon and the, as she put it, “literary symmetry” is gorgeous. Worth the read.
I’m not dead....
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I need Sherlock Fic. Now.
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I Love you
Even in the end, standing in front of his grave, John couldn’t say it.
He couldn’t admit it to himself.
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I need a blanket
I…I…I…I…
FUCK YOU MOFFAT FUCK SHERLOCK FUCK LIFE WHY WHY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I just, I can’t.
I can’t deal with this.
I WAS EXPECTING A CLIFF HANGER GOD DAMMIT Anything but-
Anything but-
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Den Ganzen Tag Jeden Tag!: I imagine someone... →
adventurousminx:
moraniarty:
imberantiel:
“The Sherlock fandom is writing sad fanfics. They don’t eat. Barely talks. Only to curse at you. I’d say they were heartbroken. But it’s the Sherlock fandom. They do all that anyway.
Tell them he’s alive.”
“They’ll come after…